Band Mom
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Dear Band Mom,
You know how every time you get five guys in a van it's nothing but fart jokes? Well, in our case it's nothing but farts, period. We've been touring a lot this year, and it can get pretty bad — sometimes it's hard to even tell how many people have cut loose within the same general timeframe. I know I'm not the only one who's sick of this, but it seems to be getting worse. Any advice?
– Beansie
Berkeley, CA
Dear Beansie,
There's no complete, fail-safe fix for this problem — the best you'll probably be able to do is improve things a little. But in the situation you describe, a partial solution is preferable to no solution. Some suggestions:
• Buy a large container of Beano and pass it around before meals. And no more burritos or chili before traveling!
• Establish a policy that whoever doesn't fart gets to sit in front and control the stereo (and the windows and air vents).
• Forbid carbonated beverages (yes, even beer) before a long drive.
• Get a portable charcoal-filter air purifier that plugs into the cigarette lighter.
• If the problem worsens after band members eat pizza, ice cream, or other dairy-intensive food, lactose intolerance may be an issue. Try lactase and rennin tablets (available at most supermarkets), or avoid dairy on the road.
If none of these remedies work, maybe it's time to hire that cute female bass player. Recent scientific studies indicate that for some reason, male flatulence decreases dramatically in the presence of attractive women. Just make sure she isn't a fart factory too!
– Band Mom
Dear Band Mom,
This photographer I know took some shots of our band before one of our shows, cause we didn't have any press shots yet. They came out really good — but the thing is, I assumed she was taking them as a favor. Now it turns out she wants us to pay her if we use them on our website or wherever. I think since she didn't say explicitly that it was a paid thing, we shouldn't have to. What do you think?
– Glenn K.
Hoboken, NJ
Dear Glenn,
If you like the photos and want to use them, you need to pay the photographer. If it wasn't clear upfront, perhaps you should have asked, or even volunteered to pay.
Without the photographers, recording engineers, managers, promoters, and all the other people that help introduce your band to the world, you wouldn't get very far in your musical career. These people deserve compensation for their work, just like your band deserves to be paid for playing a gig.
It has as much to do with professional respect as compensation. Imagine how you'd feel if an acquaintance who works for an ad agency liked one of your songs and decided to use it in an advertisement without paying your band a licensing fee?
By the way, don't forget to add a photo credit whenever you use these shots, whether it's online, in a print publication, or on a sticker affixed to the backs of photo prints. The photographer will probably be just as excited as you are when those great shots of your band get published somewhere — be cool and share the credit!
Got a band-related problem?
Write Band Mom at bandmom@rightround.com, or leave a question below!
Posted November 2006
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